You're Not Alone
by Marshallmallow
Summary: William is scared because he's not sexually attracted to other shinigami. Grell comforts him. Trans!Grell Implied WillxGrell and EricxAlan. (Rated M for inapropriate implications and lemon in the second chapter.)
1. Office Party

It was the Christmas office party for the shinigami. There were two reasons that Will went: To control Grell, Ronald and Eric (Alan was innocent) and because he was lonely and had nothing else to do. He reluctantly wore a Christmas hat and his usual uniform as he watched Alan and Eric making out in the corner. Alan was never one for PDA unless he was drunk. That must've been the case. When they started moaning and groping each other, William knew he had to put a stop to it. He walked over to the two, setting a hand on Eric's shoulder, making Eric immediately pull away, glaring at William.

"Please take this back to your home and out of the office," William said, trying to be monotone.

Alan nodded, very embarrassed. Eric harshly glared at William yet again, before drunkenly slinging Alan over his shoulder and carrying him out of the office building. When William turned around, Grell was behind him, wearing a very skimpy "Mrs. Claus" dress. He didn't even really seem to notice the dress, but he did notice the "sex-eye" she gave him.

"Ah, Grell."

"Will~!" She exclaimed. It was clear that she was tipsy as she put her hands on his shoulders. "Wanna have sex in my office? We'll have to be quiet... Unless you want to have everybody at the party hear us~..."

"Uh...no."

"Well, why not? Aren't you at least tipsy like the rest of us?"

"I had a drink," he responded, trying to sound blank.

"Well, why don't you have another? Maybe your standards can be lowered?"

"I apologize, Grell, but I would never have sex with you." There. He finally said it. He felt like crying with guilt, but he finally said it.

"Why? Because I'm trans?" she said, tears welling up in her eyes. Yes, definitely more than tipsy. "I'm still a woman, you know."

"Grell, it's not that. I honestly don't care."

"Then what is it, Will? Won't you tell me?"

"Please follow me into my office, Grell. I need to have a discussion with you."

She nodded sadly, thinking she would be in trouble. I mean, why wouldn't she be in trouble?

They stood in his office, and he closed and locked the door. She looked at him with confusion. When he turned back around, he was shaking.

"Will...? What's wrong?"

"Grell, I... I don't know who else to tell, but I'm afraid and confused."

She had never seen this kind of vulnerability from him. She put a hand on his arm. "Will... You can tell me."

"I... It's not just you I don't want to have sex with."

"You're gay? Will, you know that nobody here cares about that-"

He cut her off. "No. I'm not gay," he paused, sighing shakily. "You know how all shinigami... They're overly sexual, very high libido?"

"Of course. All of us are like that."

"Well, not all of us are like that, Grell. I... I'm not physically attracted to anybody. I don't understand what people mean when they talk about sexual frustration. I can't even... I can't..."

"Orgasm?"

"I can't even get erect, let alone orgasm. And... And I'm scared. Is that healthy? Is that normal? I doubt it... I don't think it's healthy or normal. Maybe I should go to one of the shinigami doctors about it. It's really unnerving."

"Have you always been like this?"

"Yes."

Grell began giggling a bit.

"Don't laugh at me!" He suddenly lashed out. "I'm really, really scared."

"Ah, I apologize for laughing. Will, you're fine!"

"What...?"

"You don't need to go to a doctor. Don't you know what asexuality is?"

"Asexuality?"

"Yes. You're asexual, Will. I mean, if you really want to go to a doctor, you can. If you're really that worried, go ahead. But you're not a freak, Will. You're just asexual. See, asexuals can masturbate or fantasize about sex, or sometimes they even have sex. But a lot of them don't have sex or masturbate or fantasize or anything."

"You really think I'm asexual?"

"I think you're worrying too much," she said, moving her hand up to his shoulder and looking him dead in the eye.

"But... But I want to date girls, and I have dated girls. Doesn't that make me heterosexual?"

"It makes you heteroromantic, hun."

"I'm so confused..."

"Do some research, Will. It will probably give you some answers."

"Can... Can I hug you?" His large green eyes were huge.

"I don't see why not, hun."

He hugged her, seeming very out of character and vulnerable. When they both pulled away, he was crying.

"Will... Don't cry, sweetie. You're not alone."

Suddenly, they were kissing. Neither of them knew who initiated the kiss, but Grell guessed that it was William. When they pulled away, William looked mortified.

"I am so sorry."

"Why?"

"Because... I kissed you."

"But I liked it," she whispered. "Did you?"

"Yeah..."

She smiled, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "You're okay, Will. You're not alone, Will."


	2. Merry Christmas!

William stirred the pot of hot chocolate he was making. It was a frigid Christmas Eve. Well, soon to be Christmas Day in just an hour. He was all alone that Christmas, like usual. Eric and Alan had each other, Ronald had whatever girlfriend he had at the time and Grell was probably at some party.

He measured a teaspoon of vanilla extract before pouring it into the hot chocolate and taking the pot off the heat. He poured himself a cup of the drink, then tasted some. Bitter, yet somehow flavorless. He was never good at making anything edible.

There was a knock at the door. Who could it be at this hour? He opened the door, and there stood Grell, wearing a red coat over black tights and furry boots. Her hair was tied into two braids at the side of her head and she was crying, mascara tears running down her cheeks.

"Grell... What happened?"

"I tried to bake you cookies but I burned them. I tried to look pretty for you but my mascara kept runnning and my red nail polish had dried up and I couldn't get my lipstick just right. I tried to be a good woman for you, Will. I really did."

He stared at her for a bit, watching this beautiful woman in his doorway practically sob. "Come in, it's freezing. I made hot chocolate but it's not very good." He practically dragged her inside before insisting she sat down.

"Will, I'm hideous. I really tried to look pretty."

He looked her up and down. He saw so many beautiful aspects. Then, he made the wonderful decision to tell her about all the beautiful things he saw in front of him. "Grell, your hair is a lovely shade of red. It shines just the right amount, too. It's a healthy glow. Your skin is a gorgeous ivory, like the snow outside. Your hands," he spoke, taking one of her hands and kissing it, "are the most beautiful I've seen. They're graceful and feminine and everything I've ever dreamed of. Your hips are perfect, not too small but not too large. Your eyes are large and healthy, innocent, yet wise."

He wasn't the most poetic man, he thought, but he seemed to have made his point because within a matter of seconds they were kissing. She stood, shorter than him by about three inches, and pressed him against a wall as they continued to kiss. They eventually pulled away. She admired the red lipstick that she had accidentally gotten on him.

"I'm sure I've already asked this with my actions, but... would you be my boyfriend?"

He stared at the woman in shock. "Well, yes, I like you very much and I think you are a very attractive woman but... You are a very lustful woman, all the same, and I am a very... not lustful man."

"That doesn't matter to me. I have myself and my thoughts, Will."

This made him blush a lot. The idea of her touching herself, all by herself... The wanton moans she would make. Oh my god, was he fantasizing? But... he was asexual, wasn't he?

"Will?"

"I want to make love to you."

"What?" She stared at him in awe. "But I thought... I mean, you said... Not like I'm arguing, but..."

"I know what I said. I thought I would never have sex, or even want sex. But I want to try it. I'm curious. But not just with anyone. With you." In front of her, he wasn't afraid. He didn't put on his monotonous facade in front of her. He showed his vulnerable and very emotional self in front of her, just her.

Their lips met again, and she slipped out of her boots. He picked her up bridal style, and carried her up the stairs and into his bedroom, setting her down gently on the bed, then removing his shirt. He was thin with a slight amount of muscle. She undid her pigtails, letting her long red hair flow down her back. She removed her red coat, revealing a sexy black dress. They kissed sweetly before continuing to undress. He removed his pants, wearing just a pair of dark gray boxer-briefs. Grell rolled her tights off, revealing shiny and smooth legs. She smiled and turned around.

"Unzip me."

He nodded, his hands shaking with nervousness as he unzipped the back of her dress. Grell let the dress fall off of her body so she was wearing just a pair of lacy black panties and a matching bra. Of course, the bra didn't hold anything up besides cloth that she used to stuff the bra, but he didn't care.

She noticed him shaking. "Don't worry, Will. If you want to stop, we can."

"No, I want to do this."

She pulled him in for a fiery kiss, then gently pulled away. "Okay. But if any time you want to stop, please tell me."

He nodded, still shaking. She pinned him down to the bed, trailing kisses down his neck and chest, rubbing at a nipple and sucking at the other.

William felt a rush of warmth to his crotch. Was this what getting hard felt like? He looked down. Definitely, that was what getting hard felt like. He was panting softly as he watched as she trailed red kiss-marks down his body. She pulled at his underwear, and he lifted his hips so that she could pull them all the way off. There in front of her stood Will's erection. He was blushing profusely with embarrassment. He could tell that she was turned on too, judging by the tent in her panties. He never really thought that she'd have a penis. I mean, of course she did, she was a transwoman. But he never really thought about it.

Before he could think more about it, she had put the tip in her mouth, carressing the slit with her tongue. He involuntarily let out a soft moan, then bit his lip. There was something he felt like he needed desperately. He wasn't sure if he needed the pleasure, the romance or the climax, but he knew he needed something.

She then gently pulled away, he lipstick almost all the way faded now. Her makeup was still on her cheeks from her previous tears and her lipstick was almost gone, but William realized at that moment that he didn't care. He also realized at that moment that he was not asexual. All those years of trying to watch porn and trying to get himself hard were awkward and terrifying. But he realized now the reason why he didn't like those porns or his own hand: because there was no intimacy, no romance, no care... No love. At that moment he decided that he loved Grell. Perhaps not in a "I want to marry you" way, but more in a "you are a fantastic human being and I really care for you" kind of way.

She looked at him with huge eyes. "Will... You don't own lube, do you?"

"No..."

"Do you have Vaseline?"

He looked at her a bit confused. "In the nightstand drawer. Can that really work as lubricant?"

"Yes. It's completely safe." She smiled, grabbing the Vaseline. "Here, I'll teach you." She slipped her panties off, and William's heart lurched. How personal of a thing she had shown him. He felt almost bad about it before realizing that she wanted to show him this, she wanted to have sex with him.

She handed him the Vaseline. "Now put some on your three middle fingers. Good, good. Now put one in me."

"In... there?"

"Yes."

He nodded a bit, hesitantly doing as told. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Grell. Once his finger was pushed in all the way, she smiled and spoke again. "Now you can 'explore' with your finger. Move it around, back and forth and such."

He nodded again, pushing his finger back and forth, curling it and twisting it. She was moaning softly every one in a while, her glasses fogging up. She took her glasses off, setting them on the nightstand, then took William's glasses off, also setting them on the nightstand.

"A-Alright, now push in a second finger."

He squirmed in the second finger, continuing to curl and move back and forth, 'exploring' as he had been told to do.

"Y-You can do a scissoring motion with your f-fingers. This will help... mmm... relax some of the muscles in there." Her voice was shaky and every once in a while she would stop to gasp or moan softly.

William felt a sense of pride and joy that he could make his girlfriend moan so easily. He scissored his fingers, watching her flushed face. He could hardly see, actually, considering he had no glasses, but he could tell that her face was flushed.

"Push in a third." This was less of a request like the others and more of a demand. He did as told, pushing all three fingers all the way in, continuing to curl and twist.

After a bit, she nodded, and this was a silent way of telling him that he could pull out his fingers, and he did so. She then set herself up so she was hovering right above his erection, then slowly began slipping him into her, causing him to moan softly. He sat upright so they were facing each other, and he stole her lips into a passionate kiss.

Grell began a slow and passionate pace, and he thrust his hips up in time to match her rhythm. "Ah... Grell..."

She smiled at his moans as she sped up a bit. Her breathing was rough and shaky as she put her hands on his shoulders.

He thrust his hips suddenly, causing her to cry out in pleasure. "Ah! Will! Mm, there~..."

He blushed a lot with embarrassment and still, nervousness, but the both of them continued to aim for that bundle of nerves, causing her to cry out and for him to moan.

"Ungh... Ah, Grell... Grell! Yes!" He could barely control the sounds that were coming out of his mouth as he kept thrusting and she kept grinding and bouncing. "Oh! Oh, Grell!"

"Will! It's... Oh! Yes!" She crashed their lips together, moans hitting moans, flesh hitting flesh and lips hitting lips. She pulled away for air as they got closer to finishing, no longer able to maintain the kiss. She gripped his shoulders tightly as they both fell into beautiful orgasms, moaning and crying out each other's names. Their vision blurred, going white, then relaxing as they realized that Will had come in her, and she had come onto their chests.

They panted, looking at eachother with tired and loving green eyes before she slowly got off of him, their bodies relaxing. They lay down, curling up next to each other. Grell pulled the covers over them, kissing him lazily. Not a word needed to be said, for everything that had needed to been said had already been said with actions and eye contact. They drifted asleep, holding each other tightly.

* * *

 **No, this is not the end. As you've probably guessed, Will is not asexual. Continue reading to find out!**


	3. Confusion

William woke up from a very confusing dream. In the dream, he had had passionate sex with Grell. She was on top of him, and she had taken his virginity. It was a good dream, but an odd one.

He looked to his side, seeing a familiar red-head. He almost screamed. He quickly grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, slipping them on. He watched her sleeping, her chest moving up, then slowly falling. She was naked. And he too, was naked. It was no dream.

"Oh my god...," he muttered to himself. He stared at Grell. She stirred in her sleep, groaning softly, and he panicked. Her eyes fluttered open and she slowly sat up, looking at him half-blindly.

"Hm? Ah, good morning, Will. Merry Christmas." She reached for her glasses and slipped them on. She kissed his cheek and began finger-combing her long hair.

"M-Merry Christmas...," He spoke shakily. "Oh my god."

"What's wrong?"

"Holy shit. I had sex with you." His green eyes were huge and apologetic. "I mean... both of us. Together. In my bed. We had sex. I had sex."

"Yeah," she responded blankly.

"Oh my god." He ran his hand through his hair.

"I mean... did you like it?"

"Yeah. I liked it a lot." He nodded. "Yeah... God, I'm so confused." When she didn't respond, he elaborated. "I'm so confused about my sexuality. I liked that. A lot. But then why... why did I never want to have sex before? With anybody? I mean, I've dated girls before... But why now?"

"Could you be demisexual?"

"What?"

"Demisexual. A person that lacks sexual attraction toward any person unless they have a deep emotional connection with that person." She said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I-I don't know, maybe? I have no idea who I am..."

She pulled away, looking him dead in the eye. "Will. This is not who you are, but what you like and don't like. It doesn't define you. And so what if you're asexual or demisexual or graysexual or whatever you are? And so what if you don't know? You'll figure it out eventually. No need for labels while you still don't know."

He actually had tears in his eyes as he looked down at his lap, then back up at her. "Thank you. Thank you, Grell."

* * *

 **So that's it. William doesn't know. But he's probably demisexual, thinking about it. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed. I understand that asexuals need more representation, and I honestly was wondering if I should make him asexual or not... But I decided that he should be questioning, because questioning people need a lot more recognition than they're getting, because as Grell said, there's no need for labels while you're still figuring out yourself and you're still valid. Please rate and review! Thank you so much!**

 **-Grayson**


End file.
